Q&A with Nannypea

I get a lot of the same questions so I thought I'd do a little Q&A. I’m going to give the REAL answers and not the normal “oh fine thanks.” Feel free to leave comments or send me an email with more questions.

Q: You look good, you back to normal now?
A: I have hair now with a short hair cut. You can’t tell I have a titanium plate in my head or see all the scars. Normal for me will never be as it was before. I’m still trying to find out what normal is now. So the answer is no.

Q: So you ready to start back to work?
A: This always bothers me because I look normal and if I’m at the top of my game (rested up and ready) I can pass off as a pretty normal person. This doesn’t last for long but I never put myself in situations where it has to. The short answer is no.

Q: Well why can’t you work?
A: I cannot even say my ABC’s. I still sleep for 12 hrs a night and I’m on enough seizure meds to knock out a horse. Work is not in the future.

Q: When are you going to start driving again?
A: I do not know. Legally I have to be seizure free for 6 months. I’m currently at about 3. Duke does offer a test that evaluates your driving skills. At the moment it does not appear that I would get close to passing. I cannot multitask and that poses problems with driving.

Ok that’s enough for now. Off for a nap!

BOYCOTT Holt Lake BBQ & Seafood

I didn't realize it had been so long since I'd updated the blog. I've spent time Mom and Dad, having lots of fun. Dad's retired so I can just ride around with him all day.
Oh yeah....

BOYCOTT Holt Lake BBQ & Seafood

I went in for dinner last week and was refused a child's plate. Even though I've been off chemo for almost 3 months I still have a problems eating. Heck I had to get over the smell of fish when I walked in just so I could eat. I get overwhelmed with lots of food so I get kid's plates every where I go. Never been refused. Until that night.

The waitress was very nice and told us how her Boss had advised them in the last staff meeting that only children were allowed to eat a child's plate. That if she sold me one, she'd get fired.

***wait a minute - waitresses have to go to staff meetings?!?***

I was kinda amazed. Here I am, a cancer patient being refused a small plate of food. It's not like there were not 3 adults ordering BIG plates with BIG prices with me. Or that the item should be priced in accordance with how much food is on the plate, not the age of the person eating it.

Dad decides he's going to go ask the owner what the deal is. He explains that his daughter is with him and my situation. The owner says, OK we'll do it THIS TIME. Oh that was it. How can you not sell a small plate of food to someone with a small appetite? Why do I have to waste food?

We would have left but we'd already ordered and were waiting for the last person to arrive. She got there as they were putting the plates on the table.

By the way, I didn't eat anything. I refused to order food that I would not eat.
No way in hell I'm ever going to eat anything there again.

I've told everyone I've seen not to eat there and the reason. To my surprise everyone I talked to says they don't eat there anyway!

Catching Up

It's been a fun couple weeks.

> Spent a week a Dad's hanging out, eating, and buying/selling golf carts
> Got to hold Peanut for as long as I wanted and got lots of kisses from Maci
> Got to go see the goats, baby cows, ducks and little ponies at Danny's
> Got a "looking Great" from Duke. Then the standard return in 2 months with a new MRI
> Meet with the therapist and a psychiatrist. They gave me drugs. This is when you know you're crazy. (but it's helping)
> Slept with Baxter almost every night.
> Missed Ronnie and Hank and Tiger and Scottie but mostly Ronnie

Then I came home and rested.

I have determined I am not up to snuff. I cleaned the house yesterday. You know the normal floors (vacuum & mop), dust, clean the kitchen and bathrooms. Nothing intense or major just a little cleaning. It kicked my butt. Like I was in bed by 9 and asleep by 9:15ish. And I didn't want to get up this morning either!

Hunting season is kicking in so I'll be hanging out with friends and family more often. I could be posting a lot or a little depending on what's going on. Hopefully a pic of the huge buck Ronnie kills :) will be coming soon!

I want to drive!!!!!

I want to drive. I mean I really (really, really, really) want to drive.

I've been feeling better and I'd like to go somewhere by myself. You know, take as long as I want without someone looking over my shoulder. Buy stupid stuff that no one will ever find out about. Grab Hank and go eat French Fries at McDonald's or head over to the dog park. That kinda thing.

We've been talking about it a lot lately. There's a test you can take at Duke that assesses your driving skills. Thinking about when to take it.

Well I got my butt handed to me on a silver platter. No way I'm going to be driving anytime soon. (insert crying sound here)

Ronnie had written up a short, couple paragraphs, statement that he needed typed up. He's a hunt & peck typer so I've always typed it for him. I'm talking maybe 5 minutes of work once I figure out his chicken scratch.

So I take his paper and get started. I did good for the first couple of sentences then it all went to Hades. I honestly could not get the words from the paper through my head into my fingers and on the screen. Somewhere between me looking at them and getting them into head it all went wonky. I'm talking shaking hands, not being able to follow sentences kinda stuff.

That's when we realized that if I cannot even follow that, there's no way I can do all the multitasking required for driving.

My little heart is broken but I'll get through it somehow.

High School Reunion

This past weekend I attended my 20 year High School Reunion. Seriously, there's no way it's been that long and no way I can be that old. Either way, we had a reunion and it was FUN.

I had a great date: DAD! It was the opening day of deer season and Ronnie didn't get to hunt last year so I let him go hunting. That meant Dad got to walk me in and get to see all the people he hadn't seen in years either. Well, some he had seen more recently than others.

What did I notice? We all looked the same - basically. Some of us liked it to have the lights on and the music down, the very opposite of the way it used to be. But we're already planning the 25th reunion and the changes we'll need.

I think I accidental nominated myself to the help get the next one going. How did I do that? I asked who was. Darn, never ever ask questions like that!

I was a little different too. I didn't close the party down but rather pulled Dad out about 10pm. I was tired. He bought me dinner when we left, McDonald's so we could take out meds. Things do change :)

A Year Later

Well, a year ago I had just found out I had a brain tumor, it was cancer and was having surgery. I've actually not thought about it a lot.

But today we came full course. I had lunch with Jolena today.

A year ago I was in a car on the way to have Margarita's and Mexican food with my friends: Jolena & Chris, Kate, and Dawn. Dinner got interrupted initially by the seizure and then things went all to hell with the tumor.

I realized that a year later, I was finally having that Mexican food. I have come full circle.

Finally made it, just took me a while.

Pick up Stix

I'm sure lots of you remember the cool game of Pick Up Stix. You'd have a can of sticks that you dropped on the floor. You'd then try to pick up a stick without disturbing the other sticks. Kinda like a very low tech version of Operation.

I made my very own home version of Pick Up Stix! But with this version you use Spaghetti. Just take a box of Spaghetti, don't need any particular brand, the store brand works just fine. Pick up the new box checking to see which end to open. Realize as 100s of noodles hit your bare feet that the box was in fact not new and had been opened at the end pointing down. You know get to play Pick Up Stix as long as you want! Or you can do as I did and just get them all up and put them in the trash while having your husband laugh his butt off while he trying to keep the dog from eating the noodles.

Cleaning the Kitchen

I know everyone is tired of all the info about doctors and diagnoses, I know I am. So I'm going to give you a little funny for today.

I try to keep the kitchen clean. By clean I mean, dishes in the dishwasher, counters clean, and the floor not covered in dog & cat hair.

So I grab the Fantastic (obvious plug here, they should send me a free bottle) and start cleaning the counters. I have no idea how our counter tops get so dirty but every morning they are nasty. So I start on the right side, spraying everywhere. I think, this isn't spraying right. So I wipe up that area and change the spray nozzle to get it back right. I start spraying the middle and think, it's still not right. So I check the nozzle again and it's the same pattern on both sides. Oh well, I move on. I spray the left side and realize not only is it not spraying right, it doesn't smell right either. So I check the bottle, yeah blue bottle of cleaner. Wait.... that doesn't say Fantastic, no that's Spot Shot. Well DUH! No wonder it doesn't spray or smell right!

I had to re-clean the entire area again with Fantastic. At least the counters are clean.

New Day - New Week

The start of a new week - Another day at the Neurologist.

I had my in follow up about the EEG and the general state of things. Everything looks to get going well with the brain waves. I have to get help controlling the stressors that cause the pseudo seizures. Once we have that under control we can start easing off the Dilantin.

Why is this cool? I'll be down to only 2 seizures meds; 4 less pills a day. Dilantin interferes with pretty much every other drug in the world so I could take fun stuff like Tylenol or Midol. I could pop a Tylenol Sinus if I had a headache.

Results - Kinda

After almost 2 weeks and wearing that EEG for 48 hours I finally have the results. There is no sign of epileptic activity in my brain. WTF?!?

I'm having Psychogenic non-epileptic seizures aka pseudo-seizures. This means there are no abnormal brain waves when I'm having "issues" that it is most likely STRESS related. I cannot begin to imagine why I'd be having stress issues? Let's see: brain cancer, seizures, husband with cancer, can't drive so I'm stuck at home 24/7 with basically no control over my life. Can't imagine why I'd have any stress or even a little depression.

Great, so I have to get myself together before I can get myself together...

It's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing my Milk-bone underwear.

Still Waiting

My Noggin is still Nutty. I'm waiting for the results from the EEG. Nothing exciting there. Hopefully we'll find out something out next week and get a plan to turn things around.

Other notable items:

• Hank had a bath! He smells better at least
• The umbrella is D E A D. How do you keep one from blowing over? It has the little wind flaps at the top and it's in a heavy base.
• Tick #2 removed from my ankle this week. I'm beginning to think I'm a tick magnet.
• Chocolate Milk makes everything better.

My rant for today: My hair is growing back in. It's curly/wavy or sticking straight up. This does not look well with my existing straight flat hair. The hair growing in on the right side (where it thinned) is making my straight flat hair stick our OR I just have random curly springs coming out. I've found the only way to fix it is with a hat. On the plus side my pony tail is now 8 inches long so I'm getting closer to donation length.

Waiting on EEG results

Last time I published was a while ago. This seizure crap is for the birds. I'm not having a seizure every day, just feeling like I'm going to have one.

I wore the ambulatory EEG for 48 hours and I'm still finding sticky stuff all over my head. And there's a EEG lead imprint on my forehead - still! Oh yeah, I had it taken off on Friday. Hopefully they will find something and get this all straight.

I had to cancel a beach trip. Why? I cannot ride in a car w/o almost having a seizure; no way I could ride for 3 hours.

I am fortunate that everything with the tumor is looking "stable"

Yes I'm a little frustrated cause it's cramping my already very cramped style. And I'm cursing like a sailor so I'm trying to stop. I suggested a jar that I had to donate to every time I said a bad word. My husband told me I'd go broke.

The Results are IN!

I have not written in a while. I know even one has been on pins and needles waiting for an update. It's been an interesting few weeks: seizures, MRIs, CT scans of the abdomen, I'm still "off."

The MRI and CT scans all came back clear - YEAH! Unfortunately I'm not back to normal yet. If I do more than 1 thing at a time - trouble. I don't exactly have a seizure but I have seizure like symptoms. And I mean little things, like looking at TV while someone talking to me. Yeah, fun stuff. I mostly stay in my little cave and try to keep the distracts down.

The results for the Neuropsychology test are in; let's just say the end was "100% disabled." It's never fun to have someone tell you that your brain is all screwed up.

Ok I have to go back to my little cave now. Starting to have those symptoms again.

I am Rogue

For those that do not know, hair color doesn't mix with radiation and chemo. No big deal except I have a very clear white (I'm not calling it gray) strip right in front. My friends have now decided I'm Rogue from the X-Men. I think that's awesome and I'm sticking with it.

FYI: that's exactly where the stripe is too!

Friday - End of the week of Doctors

Yeah Friday! I had my last Doctor's appointment for the week this morning.

I saw the Chemo Doctor this morning. I caught him up on all the info from Duke and he checked me all out. The first thing they do when you get there is take blood. I've never had them mention the blood work until today. My white blood cell count was low. All this is means is that I don't get to start Chemo until Monday. I don't mind waiting a few days.

Yesterday afternoon I had the Neuropsychology test. O M G! Talk about cruel and unusual punishment. The actual test, which were not written test, took a few hours. They do fun stuff like give you a letter and you have to name as many words that begin with it as you can think of. Or give you a pattern and then hand you blocks so you can copy it. Or like the SAT where you have a set of patterns and you have to figure out the next one. OH my favorite. They gave me 10 seconds to look at a picture and then all the time I needed to draw it. I did eh on that but then to top it off at the end of the session, they wanted me to redraw them all again! yeah.....

Anyway, 2 weeks from now I'll get some paperwork on how I did. It should be very interesting. That will include recommendations on jobs. Can you say "Would you like Fries with that?"

Short Term Memory

I try to explain what my short term memory is like. I do a lot walking around in rooms without knowing what I was there for to start with which gets me responses like: "Oh I do that all that time." I had to think about good examples so here's a couple that will explain it better.

Example 1:
Ronnie and I purchased some fresh fruit and veggies from a stand today. We had BLTs tonight with the awesome tomatoes and I wanted to have something really good tomorrow night with the other vegetables. We chatted a little about what meat I might eat and I decided I'd be very happy with just veggies. With that Ronnie decided he'd cook some chicken quarters on the grill for himself. All done and we went on.
A couple hours later I'm drooling over the veggies and trying to figure out what to have with them that would be really good for dinner tomorrow night. Ronnie comes in and I ask him what would be good with the veggies. I get the look. He calmly says "honey, remember we talked about it. I was going to cook chicken quarters and you were going to cook the new potatos and squash."

Example 2:
Yesterday I did Wii Fit for 20 minutes and walked out to get the mail. I was tired, very tired. So Hank and I crashed on the couch for at least a couple hours maybe longer.
We finally got up and I was thirsty. I walked into the kitchen for some water. I took a look at the counter and saw mail on it. I wondered if Ronnie had gotten the mail today thinking the mail on the bar was from yesterday. Thinking about it a few minutes I finally figured that yes, I had checked the mail and that was it on the counter. But for a while, I had no idea that I had already checked the mail.

So my crazy memory is a little different than just forgetting what you were going to do.

Tomorrow I'm going back to Duke for the neuropsych testing. I'm really nervous but I'm sure I'll get through it.

The Week of Doctors

This week is Doctor appointment week. We start out today with the neurologist.

I've been a couple months without a seizure, the longest I've ever been! We've been changing my meds and we're to the point where I'm about to have a seizure so we're going back up on the Dilantin. Why the big deal about the time between seizures? If I go 6 months seizure free I can drive! So I'm excited that it's been this long and would be very sad if I had one now.

It's not just talking about seizures, I have to go through all kinds of cool little tests to check my current status. My favorite part is when they check my balance. I stay up/don't fall down but it's got to be funny to watch. Also, close your eyes and put your finger to your nose. I generally hit somewhere between my eyes and on my nose but not on the tip. I always start laughing when this happens and keep laughing throughout the rest of the test.

Duke has requested another MRI in a couple months. My neurologist has an in-house MRI and I can get my next MRI there. If I read my insurance right that will save me a lot of $$ too!

Otherwise I've had a "normal" day. The thunderstorms kept me awake for hours so I slept all afternoon. Glad I get to sleep in tomorrow!

Update!

The Cancer Center at Duke is awesome. They believe in fixing both the physical and psychological issues so you get a whole new you. That sounds good to me because the current me isn't too cool.

• I'm going to be doing neuropsychological testing to figure out how my brain is working. Where the deficits are and how we can work on them. They will do the testing yearly to see if I'm getting better.
• They are going to help me do driver training - at Duke, not DMV. Of course, I have to wait until I've been seizure free for 6 months but they will work with me to make sure I'm road ready.
• I'm getting Speech Therapy. Anyone that has talked to me knows I have issues with words and get all flustered and really mess things up.

They are also very blunt. They told me that I'd never be like I was before, get used to it. This is normal and you live with it. This was actually good to hear. I had no idea how I was going to get back to where I was.

They were also very good at knowing how my brain worked. As in not only do I have short term memory problems but I have ADD too. This is not a good combo. Again, anyone that has talked to me knows I'm all over the board. We talked about how to address and work with it.

The best part was the chat with Ronnie on what he can expect of me. Yes, I'm different and here's the best way to work with me now. I noticed he's already using the tips.

I just got scheduled for the neuropsychological testing and I'm excited. It will be interesting to see how it goes.

I guess all this just showed me there is hope out there. Things are different but change is not all bad; you just have to learn to work with the differences.

The Dilemma

I have a small problem. I'm a Carolina Fan (UNC) for those that do not know it. No, I didn't graduate nor attend the college. I actually graduated from East Carolina University. I originally attended State (NCSU) which means school-wise Duke should be my mortal enemy. And it is.

Herein lies my dilemma. Duke University houses the best brain tumor center in the US; maybe the world. Ted Kennedy went to Duke to have his brain tumor removed. That's how good it is. I have an appointment there the end of this week.

So, that being said I still think Duke SUX! I'll now to put a caveat on the statement that it only applies to Coach K and their sports program. The Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Center is the best in the world and they are going to change my life. Please don't make me wear Duke blue.

I'm not PG~

Sorry for the delay in posting as I'm back to sleeping 14 hours at a time plus a nap. That means I'm back on regular old chemo which means IT is shrinking!

Ok back to bed now.

OH yeah, I'm not pregnant either. I found out that the chemo stops all the girl stuff and you basically start hitting menopause. That actually explains a lot.

MRI Day - What's it like?

Today was MRI Day. I'm used to taking MRI's; I've done lots. I'm used to the noise, the claustrophobic machine, the IV with contrast and I know if I'm "good" I get ice cream.

It's not taking the test that's the problem - it's the waiting for the results. I should have an answer tomorrow. But between now and then, it's horrible.

For those not in the "know" I still have cancer lurking in my brain. The tumor was removed but there is still some there. I'm sure someone has an exact figure of how much but I don't, not sure I want to really. Anyway, IT had not changed from the time my tumor was removed through the last MRI. That means that even though I had radiation and done loads of chemo, it had not shrunken. But the good news was that it hadn't grown. So this MRI will let us know what's really going on and what we're going to need to do in the future. The plan so to speak might change, probably will change.

Anyway, I wanted to express how anguishing it was to wait for that answer and finally come up with an answer. It's kind of like taking a pregnancy test.

When you take a pregnancy test you already know something is up. You're already freaking out and you need to know the answer. So you have to go out and buy a test. You get the best test you can get (or afford) and rush home. You immediately hit the bathroom and start reading the instructions. You get the Pee in the right place and wait. Hoping that it will be a little - and not a +. For a OH Thank goodness I'm not pregnant and not an Oh CRAP, I'm pregnant.

This is where I am now. I'm waiting to find out if I"m pregnant or not.

*For those wondering why I choose to pick a NO as a good thing I figure we spend 90% of our life trying NOT to get pregnant. Then there's 5% of well, maybe, I don't know, maybe, I'm not sure I might want to ... Then's the 5% of Heck yeah! Let's have a baby!

Dog Proof Shower Curtain

I either need a waterproof camera or a dog proof shower curtain.

Hank loves water. Add this to his new found ability to invade the back of the house and we have trouble.

It all started with a poke thru the shower curtain and a large shadow. Then there was a pink/brown nose sniffing under the curtain, drinking water. He seemed to be confused about the entire shower curtain thing and couldn't figure it out. It didn't take long.

Suddenly I was not showering alone, I had my little buddy with me! Seriously, Hank was standing next to me in the shower. He was licking up water from everywhere and as happy as he could be.

I tried to shoo him out and keep him from getting sooo wet. This failed. I finally decided I might as well give him a bath while we were there. I grabbed the Baby Shampoo and lathered him up. Of course, after trying to get him out earlier now is the time he wants out. He goes tearing thru the house all wet and lathered up. I finally got him back in the shower and rinsed off. It took a lot.

I finally got all the hair out of the drain and it was a lot of hair. Seems like it's shedding time already. Anyway, I finally got myself all cleaned up.

I jumped out and realized I still had a problem on my hands. There was a big wet dog running around the house trying to dry himself off. There were wet marks with clumps of hair all the way down the hall. My entire bathroom was floor was soaked. A few beach towels later and we were mostly dry.

Today Hank stayed in his crate while we showered.

Banana MilkShake

My favorite homemade ice cream is banana. The closest thing to that is a Banana Milkshake from Cook Out.

I spent Saturday with Dad and hung out in Smithfield. Everyone rode back home with us so they could meet the grand-dog: Hank.

Of course on the way home, I asked for some dinner - Cook Out. I got a cheeseburger and a banana milkshake. It was awesome.

What I had forgotten/not realized is that part of my tongue is still ... numb. Think of the dentist but a small portion still with no feeling but the stuff around it working. Normally you compensate and no one really notices.

Unless you drink a milkshake and numb your tongue. Then everyone notices because your speech goes all to hades.

I was trying to talk to Sharon (aka Step-Mom) on the way home and realized my pronunciation wasn't working. If fact, my tongue was working that good. Didn't take me but a second to realize what the problem was. I'd wait a few seconds and then it was all good again. Until I took my next gulp.

I finally figured out it was just easier to drink my milkshake and not talk.

Happy Birthday Ronnie

Happy Birthday Ronnie! We're taking it easy, hanging out at home. Big steaks on the grill and baked potatoes (Hank will help me out). You can't ask for any better.

We have decided this is the start of a new year. This year is going to be great. We're ending a rough year and starting a new one that will be much mo'better.

You couldn't ask for anything more.

Hank is smarter than we think he is!

Hank is much smarter than we think he is. We all think he's just a big dumb lab but boy, we're wrong.

Reminder of who is involved:

• Hank: Crazy 100 lb. chocolate lab that thinks he's a lap dog. He's a little over a year old and thinks he's a little puppy. He can jump over the sofa in a single bound and I often have sloppy Hank kisses on my ears where he has jumped up and licked me.
• Tiger: The ruler of the house. We got her before we got married from the SPCA. She's declawed, weighs about 16 lbs and is known as the Meow-Meow Head. She demands food and Hank would be her little...."female dog"... if she had claws.

To keep everyone happy e.g., to keep Hank from constantly tormenting Tiger, We have a baby-gate at the front of the hallway. This essentially cuts the house in half. Hank has the front of the house: living, dining room and kitchen. He has access to front/garage doors to great any quest and the back door to go play in the nice fenced in back yard. This leave the hallway, bedrooms and bathrooms for Tiger to rule over.

Hank is very much a pack puppy, he wants to be with his people all the time. Actually he thinks he is people. This means he's unhappy when we shower or hang out in the back and he's all alone up front. He whines at the gate but he NEVER jumps over the gate. He could easily jump it but he knows that he's not allowed. So this is his new trick:

That's right. He has figured out how to open the baby gate with his nose!

No one is safe!

Alfalfa!

I have a new nickname: Alfalfa!

My hair is growing back in nicely and I have one little spriglette (a group of hair) on the top of my head sticking straight up. Therefore I am Alfalfa. I always wanted to be Darla but this means I can be a member of the He-Man Woman Haters Club. There is always an upside.

Since my hair is looking suave I'm not wearing a hat. It blends pretty well with a pony tail since there isn't hair "missing" then. I've not gotten too many strange looks or even had a chance to tell my Hippo story again. I've only come to one conclusion: teenagers sux!

Case in point. While at dinner I had a couple of the servers do a walk by. They got right behind me and went psycho " OMG " and ran away. Geez people. I don't mind the stares but I can still hear. I hope I wasn't that crappy as a teenager.

Get me a 2 and a 5

Mom came up over the weekend and got me out of the house for a while. We had lunch, did a little shopping, watched the Kentucky Derby - you know that kinda hanging out, resting some but throwing in some outside stuff too.

On the way home we stopped for gas and lottery tickets. Mom had a $20 winner in the LIFE TIME RICHES!!! scratch off game so told me to do the following while she pumped gas: Get us 2 more like the one she won ($10 tickets) and a 5 and a 2.

So I head in, cash in the winner and ask for 2 more just like it and a $5 and a $2 scratch off; no matter which one, just grab'em. I paid and headed out for the car. Mom had already finished gassing up and was waiting for me.

I get into the car and we scratched off the $10 tickets. I won $40 and Mom had a loser. She then asked me where her 5 and 2 was. I handed her the scratch off tickets. "here's the 5 and here's the 2. Just got whatever was at hand."

She died laughing. And kept laughing.

I was very confused, I had followed orders (I thought) and didn't know what was up. She finally told me between fits of laughter. She had wanted a Cash 5 (5) ticket and a Power-Play PowerBall ticket (2) for tonight. Then I started laughing.

We scratched off the $2 and the $5 - no winners. I went back in and got us another 2 LIFE TIME RICHES!!! and pocketed $20 I had won. I then ordered a Cash 5 and a Power-Play for tonight.

Finally all was right.

My day so far

I arrived home from lunch and had a message from the Neurologist about my blood work. If they are calling this quick, it's not going to be good. It probably means I'll have to take more or less of a medication or they might switch me to something different. They said they would call me back so I'll post an update when I have more info.

UPDATE!
I get to increase my Carbatrol intake from 4 pills to 5 each dose. That means I take 5 pills in the AM and another 5 in the PM. In addition to 2 Keppra in the AM/PM and 5 Dilantin in the PM only. Fun Times!

Ronnie is very good about getting me out of the house. Today he took me out to lunch at Bojangle's and to pick up my nausea meds.

I don't eat a lot, I think my body has gone into starvation mode because I'm not really losing weight. This isn't a such a bad thing because the Dr's want you to maintain your weight while on Chemo.

Lunch! We hit Bo's and went inside. Line was long so we had plenty of time to figure out what we wanted. I decided to try out the Chicken Tenders so I had 2 options: Special of 3 chicken strips and a biscuit for $2.99 then add on more for Tea OR Kids Meal of 2 chicken strips, FF's, biscuit and child size drink for $3.59. I went with the kids meal. More food for less money and I get a drink!

Ronnie lost it (laughing), he could not believe I was ordering kids meal. He gave me a lot of grief. What did I eat of my Kid's Meal? Exactly 2 chicken strips and about 4 FF's. Oh yeah, I pinched off a couple small pieces of the biscuit because my mouth was burning up.

I'm sure everyone else has this ringing in your head as well:
Somewhere in Africa there is a child starving who would love to have all my leftover food. Well, they can have it if they want it. They just have to come and get it :)

I almost forgot!
This is what I found when I let Hank out this morning

I ran inside and called Ronnie. He had killed a Turkey (YEAH!) and couldn't get home quickly. By the time I got out of the shower IT was gone.
Great now I have a rogue snake roaming around my yard.

Blood Work Day!

Tomorrow is blood work day. I've actually grown used to being stuck with a needle and having my blood drawn out. I always wanted to be a Vampire when I grew up, guess I'm now the opposite.

Hopefully my "levels" will be OK and we might be able to get my seizure meds right. Getting there is no fun.

You might tell from the time of this posting that I'm having issues with nausea. Hopefully I've got it under control and all those meds will be in blood stream working like little ... workers? This is one of the places I have issues. I have a hard time making puns and comparing one thing to another, see above. I know there's a name for it but I can't think of it and Google isn't helping. You'd be amazed at what you can find with Google. Basically, I have a hard time explaining myself which is aggravating.

Oh well, it could be much worse. I'm going to TRY to go to bed now or I might just crash on the couch with Hank, that way I'm the only one who doesn't get any sleep.

UPDATE!!!
Well, no one really slept last night. I got to bed and shortly after Ronnie had a horrible case of Acid Reflux. I hadn't gotten to sleep when he got up so I couldn't sleep then. Well, I tried at least.

My Husband Loves Me

How do you know your husband loves you? I have 2 examples:

One:
Yesterday he didn't go hunting to take me out to breakfast. We had Bojangle's and then ran over to WalMart to pick up the stuff we somehow left behind last time but had paid for.

About the time we pulled into the WalMart parking lot I got very suddenly sick on my stomach. I was hanging my head out the window gagging and he was calming telling me it would be alright, we'd be parked in a minute and it would be all better. He did a great job of calming me down and not freaking out.

Two:
He told me that my hair had grown in enough that now it just looked like I'd had surgery. :)


Now that's true love!

Happy Thoughts

I quickly ran into the grocery store yesterday to grab a couple steaks for dinner. They were for Ronnie and his sister (and don't forget Hank) but I ate some too!

I should mention Ronnie's Sister took me out and we forgot a hat. Oh well, not a biggie for me.

As I was checking out the lady behind me had some really odd named red wine, Cat something. I asked her about it and she it was not too bad. I said something about loving to have a glass but couldn't. She immediately said she had noticed my head and asked me what happened. I told her I had a brain tumor removed. She quickly added that her husband had one removed in 1980 and was still kickn'

I told her Thank You, I needed to hear news like that. I walked out with a big cheesy grin on my face.

Chemo Stuff

I've decided that the more you take Chemo the more it beats you down. I had hoped that my body would become resistant and it would get easy as it went. Well I was wrong.

Also, I only take the pills for 5 days so lots of people think it's only a 5 day problem. Nope. It takes 2 weeks to get all the crap outta my system. That's 2 weeks from the last pill. So over those 2 weeks there is sometime in there when it's hitting hard and it's not even during the Chemo time!

Ok, I realize I"m just complaining. I'm going to do what I do best, curl back up in bed.

Taking a Shower

I talk a lot about my (lack of) memory and the inability to do more than 1 thing at a time. I have the perfect example from trying to take a shower this morning.

When I shower I do the following in this order or I get confused and have to redo stuff to make sure everything gets done. I've always done this because when you're half awake in the shower everybody gets confused.

1. Get in shower and wet hair
2. Clean face with girly cleaner
3. Wash and Condition hair
4. Wash body with poof
5. Rinse
6. Exit shower

I was feeling good this morning. Why? Because there was no gagging while brushing my teeth. So while in the shower I decided to plan my day tomorrow. Not a good idea, see this is doing more than 1 thing at a time!

I get in the shower and start getting all wet. Thinking about how we can hit Beauty World tomorrow and see if I could possibly get a weave. I realize I'm washing my hair. Ok, no biggie I can wash my face after I get through with my hair.

So I go to pick up my face cleaner but instead pour a huge amount of body wash into my hand. Ok no problem, I'll dump that on the body poof and wash. I'll just wash my face next, so I won't forget but I have to remember to condition my hair too.

So thinking I was going to wash my face I grabbed the conditioner and put it on my hair. At this point I think "screw it" I"m washing my face now and I'll just let the conditioner sit in my hair.

Finally! I rinse everything off and I'm good to go. That was too much trouble for just 1 shower.

6 Months

It's been 6 months. Six months since I drove or left home by myself. It may not sound like much but think about it for a moment.

You're at home and you want to run to the store? You want to grab some lunch or dinner? You need to go to the Pharmacy. Can't do it unless you have someone to drive you.

Want some time just to drive? Just throw the dog in the back and split some French Fries? Still can't go.

You are completely dependent on someone else.

This is particularly difficult when you're very independent.

The Laughing Hippo

Dad picked me up this morning (lunch) to hang out with him and chill at "home" for the day. I knew there were a couple little kids around and I'd need to explain why my head looks weird.

I had to think a lot but I finally figured it out. Here it goes:

I was working at the zoo. (Yes, I work at the zoo) I washing a hippo and I started tickling him because I washing him under his arm. Well, the hippo starting laughing and accidentally kicked me in the head. No the hippo didn't get in trouble and yes I'll be fine.

So I got this story told to one little cousin. I just got a call from her Mom thanking me for the story because it was 20 questions all the way home. Why did the hippo kick Nannypea? Why was she washing him? Why does she work at the zoo? And just went on and on from there.

She thought she'd answered all the questions and they had moved on from the hippo incident. They were working on letters using flash cards. When the H card came up the answer was "H for Hippo like the one that kicked Nannypea in the head."

Never ever underestimate the memory of a 3 year old!

*BAP!*

They cleaning ladies came a couple days ago. I feel like a total slacker, loser when they are here and so does Ronnie. Whenever they come we try to go out and have lunch.

We decided to head toward Wake Forest to grab a bite to eat. Ronnie needs a new computer desk so we were going to do double duty and look for a desk too. I am very rarely hungry so asking me where I want to eat is never fun because I really don't care. Think about it. When you aren't hungry do you really care about food or what other people are eating?

Ronnie had a super idea, we'd hit the all you can eat Chinese Buffet. Although the all you eat part doesn't really fall into line, the buffet works great. With that much choice I should be able to find something I can eat. If nothing else I can have some rice or lo mien.

As usual, I had my hair in a pony tail and a ball cap on. I'm not really used to wearing these because the only time I wear a hat is when I'm out. Not in the car, not in the house, only when I absolutely have to.

The sneeze guards on this buffet were serious. Nothing was going to get through them. I even had a hard time getting some Egg Drop Soup because they were so low. So I'm leaning over trying to see what I'm doing and BAP! The brim (bill, whatever it is you call it) WHACKS the sneeze guard. My head bounced back but the sneeze guard didn't move.

Now this wouldn't be too bad but I did it several times. It's funny now but kinda embarrassing when it happened.

Mrs. Williams

I'd never spent the night in the hospital before. My only view was from people I had visited. I really had not thought about having 2 people in a room but when I arrived, I had a roomie. I kind of felt sorry for her because I had the side farthest away from the door. That meant that everyone that came in had to go by her to get to me. Or the bathroom. Or pretty much anything.

Anyway, I got all setup and turned on the TV. Had loads of people there hanging out. I asked the nurse for something to make me sleep. I wanted a knock-me-the-f*-out pill but I got an Ambien. The nurse assured me it would help me sleep. So far I had not heard a peep out of Mrs. Williams.

The ambien kicked in and I feel asleep, finally. I'm guess I was asleep about 30 minutes when I heard her. She was complaining about something and hollering for the nurse. I really do mean speaking very loudly calling for the nurse. She wasn't pushing the call button. After about 15 minutes I pushed my call button.

Not a minute later the nurse responded and I told her about Mrs. Williams. The nurse came in and assisted Mrs. Williams. Made sure she understood how to operate the button and went back to work.

Obviously the instructions for operating the call button didn't sink in. She never touched the button - ever. About the third or forth time I rang the nurse she would just respond "Mrs. Williams again?" I'd confirm and she'd come in and help her. Mrs. Williams only got more interesting as the night wore on....

I've got good news

As previously seen on Nannypea's Nutty Noggin the ER Dr thought I was on drugs. He assured us everything was OK, probably just a drug interaction but he ordered some test just to make sure.

The nurses came in and took enough blood that I thought I'd need a transfusion. Then another nurse showed up and asked if I was ready for my CT Scan. She asked if I could walk the oh... 200 feet to the CT room. We walked over, did the test and I was back in my little room in 2, maybe 3 minutes. No one could believe it was already done.

So we settled back and started chatting about the Presidential debate. It was about to come on and we were trying to decide who would "win."

The Dr came in acting a little weird. He found the TV remote and the mute button, mumbling something about not getting distracted. He got a little stool and sat down in in the middle of the room. He then announced "I've got good news."

We all sat patiently waiting.... "Your blood test look great"..... "but you have a brain tumor."


Queue mass hysteria and me ordering a round of Valium for the room.

This is depressing

I had to send a letter over to Prudential to get my LTD approved. They wanted Dr's names, what they were treating me for, what treatments, how I felt and why I thought I couldn't work. It was 3 pages long and pretty depressing when I read it all. It was even padded, told the whole truth the entire time. :(


If that wasn't depressing enough the Pharmacy called to schedule my next chemo delivery. I'm still not eating and having a hard time taking meds and keeping anything down. I'm really not in the mood to even think about doing it all over again.

Remember to breath through your nose

If you're feeling sick on your stomach it helps to breath through your nose to ease the nausea. This is all fine and good unless the thing making you nauseous is a smell.


Chemo is kicking my butt. No matter what I eat, it gives me a tummy ache. I don't like food, don't care about eating. Anyone that knows me, knows this is not normal.

It better be my hair - I paid for it

I got some new hair this weekend. KJ picked me up and we meet Lisa P and her friend for a fun afternoon of getting me some hair. We had a great time and learned a lot.

• tracks are the pieces of hair that are braided into your hair if you get a weave
• KJ does not look good in short blond wigs
• I don't look good as a blond
• Lisa P looks really good with short hair
• I look better as a brunette with long hair
• KJ is a better blond and looks strange as a brunette
• None of us looked good as a red head

I learned how to put the wig on but not sure I can do it myself. Well, I can get it on but not sure it will stay on. I'll have to play with it and let you know.

PS > Back to Chemo so the stories might get slower.

PSS > I get asked a lot how much I sleep. It's generally 10-12 hours a night and then another 2-6 hours for naps. Max times is when I'm on chemo and the week after.

All Clear!

I had my first MRI since I completed radiation last week. I got the results yesterday and everything was great! No new tumors and the area is healing as expected. I'll continue on chemo for the remainder of the year (until Jan of next year actually) and get my next MRI in 3 months. Now we're just waiting for the all clear on Ronnie's blood work.

Funny for today.

We decided to hit a local burger joint for lunch. Having never been there we went in and read over the menu while waiting to place our order. When it was finally my turn, I ordered the Cheeseburger Value Menu. The girl kinda looked at me funny, I was looking at the menu and that's what it said so I wasn't sure what I was doing wrong. Ronnie finally stepped in and said I'd like the Cheeseburger Meal. Wow - that was a close one!

My Super Spidey Sense

I have a Super Spidey Sense; my sense of smell. Now this can be good because I can smell the smallest of odors and get us out of the house in case of an emergency. This is also bad because I can smell the smallest of odors and they make me sick on my stomach.

Smell in Point:

We had a BOGO (Buy one Get one) coupon for Ruby Tuesday. I tend to eat more/better at lunch so we decided to hit our local spot around noon. We walked in got seated in the No Smoking Section and sat down. I immediately got up and said - Nope. Can't sit here it smells too musty. I mean like something had been spilled on the carpet and had been never been cleaned up, just allowed to dry, eventually - over and over and over again. It was GROSS.

Ronnie just says, well walk around and find a spot that smells better or we won't eat here. As I walk off I hear him say to the waitress "She's on Chemo" cause you know that makes everything OK.

I walk around the restaurant and it all smells the same. So I walk back and sit down, tell them I"ll just suck it up. Ronnie knows this just means I won't eat and we'll be wasting food and money. The waitress suggest I walk over to the tables by the windows by the front door. She explains that they normally get more fresh air and normally smell better. I walk over there - it was by the bar so I had not checked it out. I had assumed they would smell like smoke. It was better there! It was still a little funky smelling but not overwhelming.

Therefore we were able to have lunch and satisfy my super spidey smell.

Chemo is here!

This is the last week of my chemo cycle. That means I feel as good as it's going to get. I'll start the next round of chemo next week so things will go down from there. The UPS man showed up again today and dropped off my next round. Here's how it looks:

It comes in a big UPS Express box:

Then wrapped all up in Bubble Wrap. At least I get to pop all the bubbles!

Inside the bubble wrap are 5 bottles, each marked Day 1 through Day 5. Just in case I couldn't figure that out.

Inside each bottle is 3 pills; 3 normal sized pills.

All this packaging for 15 pills that would have fit in a bottle 1/3 of the size.

Be Very Quiet, I'm hunting Rabbits

Ronnie's hunting season for the Evil Deer Overlords had been absolutely ruined by his cancer and surgery. He had been conspiring with friends on how to save the season before he even went into the hospital.

They figured out he could hunt in the afternoon after bringing me back from my radiation treatment. It worked perfectly because I slept all afternoon. The only change he had to make was to keep his mobile phone on vibrate so IF I had a problem I could call him.

One afternoon he's waiting for the King of the Evil Deer Overlords to show up when this happens:

buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz
Ronnie: (whispering) hello
Lisa P: (whispering) Hey, it's Lisa P. Why are we whispering?
Ronnie: (whispering) I'm in a tree
Lisa P: (whispering) Um, then why are you answering your phone?
Ronnie: (whispering) Just to make sure Nannypea is OK
Lisa P: (whispering) I was just calling to make sure Nannypea was OK

Evil Deer Overlords!

We are safe from the Evil Deer Overlords! Hank has made sure our house is protected from any invasion.

What this actually means is that I got no sleep last night because Hank wanted to play outside and bark at deer all night.

Here is our Protector keeping a sharp watch over our home.

Well Yes I am on Drugs

Here is how I start my day. Everybody always thinks I'm kidding when I say I start with a handful of pills but I'm not. OH yeah, eat something before you take them too or else you're going to get very nauseous.

Another tip: Brush your teeth before or it's not happening due to nauseousness.

Here's how I end the day. Of course after dinner, gotta have something on your stomach.

If I'm on Chemo, it has to be taken on an empty stomach. That means I get to take all these at least 2 hours before the chemo. Makes life kinda difficult when you don't want to eat.

Note: These are all prescribed and/or recommended by a Dr. There are no vitamins or extra stuff shown. This is also the minimum I take. I may have to add more stuff if I have issues.

Are you on drugs?

The day of "the seizure" KJ and I were on the way to meet some friends for dinner and drinks. The seizure hits, the ambulance shows up and off to the ER we go. Well, off we go after KJ tells the ambulance which ER we wanted to go to. I'm not sure why that is even a question, duh, the closest one!

We get to the ER and eventually the ER Dr. shows up. He starts asking the normal questions with a few different ones scattered in. Stuff like: have you taken anything different today? Have you eaten anything different? Sure you've not taken anything else? Over and over.

I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out if I had taken something different today. I do remember I had taken some sinus meds and told him about that but he keeps up. Finally he asks the question: "Do you take recreational drugs?" That was an easy one : NO!

It was so obvious that when he walked out KJ looked and me and said can you believe he keeps asking you about drugs? He came back and started again! I finally told him I wish I had taken drugs so he'd stop asking me about it. He kinda let up after that.

I thought I heard the last of my "drug usage" but when Mom and Philip, my Step-dad, showed up he looked at them and said, "Don't worry, it's probably just a drug interaction."

How I look now

Here's what my head looked like about 3 weeks after surgery. It was nice that the neurosurgeon didn't cut off all my hair, just enough to do the surgery. But you can see what i mean by my head looked like it had a miniature rail road track running in it. http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/qHbyizn8VbxzXFg0FWJXHQ?feat=directlink



*I decided to link in case some people didn't want to see

Now here's how my head looks now. After Radiation, chemo and 4.5 months after sugery:
This is the left side where the radiation caused my hair to fall out:
http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/0jaAEoRb1gdCsYsJKHTrJw?feat=directlink
I didn't realize that the radiation went in one side and comes out the other, here's the other side:
http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/moS59Cip23NVwyKboNrwsw?feat=directlink

Mr. UPS Man

My Chemo drugs are shipped via UPS. Priority Overnight UPS; this means you have to be there to sign for them and they arrive sometime between 8am to Noon.

I had been notified that the drugs were on the way but really had no idea what time they would be there. Ronnie had something to do and I figured as soon as I jumped in the shower the UPS man would show up. So I just had to hang out in my robe and wait. Keep in mind that living in the country UPS tends to show up around 5pm no matter what time they are supposed to be here.

The guy finally showed around noon. I opened the door and the guy was looking weird. Well, I did look pretty bad. I still had on my fuzzy pink robe and Pj's. Hair all messed up. You know that just outta bed, all messed up look. I had brushed my teeth so I knew it wasn't bad breath. He kept looking at the ground and not at me at all. I apologized for being in my robe and explained that I knew he'd show up as soon as I jumped in the shower. He mumbled something about signing and just hurried off the porch. I took my package and checked out my drugs.

All was good, I had my drugs and I could finally take a shower. I walked into the bathroom and I suddenly realized why the UPS man was freaked out - I didn't have a hat on. I had been standing there in my robe with 1/2 a head of hair and a huge scar running down over half my head. No wonder I scared the guy!

HAIR!

I'm growing Hair!!! It's not all over (the bald spot) but there is some there. I didn't realize I was so vain but I guess I am. I wonder if that song is about me?

Just finished up chemo for this month and I'm dragging. I really want to go back to bed but I'm trying to do something. Also that food thing... it doesn't like me and I don't like it. Even if it taste really good, it makes my tummy hurt.

Tip: Buy stock in Pepsi. It's the only thing that makes my tummy feel a little better. (sipping Pepsi as I type)

I don't always have funny stuff or am I in a funny mood. As most people will tell you I'm a nice person but that's not always the case. This week I'm on chemo and feel like crap. There was an email about our 20 class reunion. Here's how I responded.

- reunion. Let's see that sounds like loads of fun. 1/2 head of hair, blown up from steroids, lots drugs (not the fun ones) and I have a seizure if I get too tired or emotional

The best part - wasn't even my reunion (AUGH!! > crying!).

I'm going back to bed now.

Word Salad

For all my fellow BSG (Battlestar Galactica) fans you may have missed this little tidbit.

On last Friday nite's episode, No Exit, Sam Anders had a bullet in his brain. A neurosurgeon was called in to remove it. Anders was having a very difficult time expressing his thoughts and the conversation went something like this:

Anders: It's ... um.. It's that.... AUGH
Starbuck: What's wrong with him?!?
Neurosurgeon: He has aphasia. We like to call it word salad.

Me: OMG I HAVE WORD SALAD!!!!!!

Ronnie died laughing, as did I. Hank just wondered what all the fuss was about.

Here's example.

I'm watching Headline News and the chimpanzee story came on. Ronnie walked over and we were discussing having lunch. Problem 1: I'm trying to multitask - this is never a good idea. I'm trying to turn the channel because I really do not want to hear about the chimp. I'm also talking to Ronnie about lunch.

Ronnie: What are you doing?

Me: I don't want to watch this chimp stuff.

Ronnie: What?!?

Me: I do no want to see this.

Ronnie: oh you said wear.

ME: I said I didn't want to wear a chimp?

Ronnie: yes

What?!?

Something just happened that I was going to write about. I forgot what it was already!!!

How long was that in the oven?

Just a quickie to show you how bad my memory is.

Tonight we're having Stouffer's frozen Lasagna for dinner. I read the directions, pop it in the oven and set the timer. It's one of the 2 parters, cook covered for a while and then uncover and cook some more.

The timer goes off and I go in to uncover the lasagna. I suddenly realize I have no idea how long it has been in the oven or how long I set the timer for. I'm totally confused. I walk into the living room and tell Ronnie about my predicament. He calmly looks at the clock and says "how long was it supposed to cook for?" I say about about an hour? "We're OK then"

Thank goodness my husband loves me!

You've got something stuck in your teeth

It's been requested that I post some of the old funny stuff that has happened. I'll start with the oldest (that I remember).

Ronnie and I got out of the hospital on the same day. He hitched a ride home with a friend and Mom drove me home. I'd been in the hospital for 10 days, on high doses of steriods and was craving a cheeseburger. Specifically a McDonald's $1 Double Cheeseburger, $1 sweet tea, and fries. She obliged by going thru the drive thru and we had lunch in the parking lot. Keep in mind my head looked like it had a minature railroad track running on it and my brain would over load if I had too much input (seriously, seizure city). No way we could have gone inside. Besides, I think I was still in my PJs. I was in heaven and happily ate all I could.

The drive home was uneventful, I sipped on my sweet tea and was happy to be going home to my hubby and my own bed. We got home and there were lots of people there. And even more food! All I wanted to do was love on my hubby and go to bed. I said my hello's to everyone and finally got my welcome home hug from Ronnie. All was right with the world again.

I was getting ready to head back to bed and Ronnie looked at me kinda odd. He said, "you got something in your teeth." I reached in and pulled out 1/2 a McDonald's French Fry. That's not just something in your teeth, that's a snack! I had ridden all the way home with 1/2 a FF stuck between my teeth and gum without knowing it. It's over an hour drive from the hospital to my house. *** What you may not realize is that I cannot feel the right side of my lips/teeth/gums due to the surgery. *** So I had no idea I had a snack packed away for later.

Everybody got a big laugh outta that one.


For those of you wondering how I can write these, it takes a long time. I write the wrong words or can't remember words or forget what I'm doing and have to start again. I literally have to write it, read it, fix everything, read it again, fix the other errors, rinse repeat lather. This can take hours to do. I'm not kidding.

I'm really tired of Meowing

This is what I said to my husband yesterday. I meant to say yawning and I have no idea how my brain translated yawning to meowing but that's the kinda stuff that happens - daily. Sometimes I know I said the wrong thing and sometimes I don't. Fortunately I have a very patient husband and friends. :)


Why am I doing this? I have crazy stuff happen to me all the time. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad. My friends have been telling me that I need to write all this stuff down so I won't forget it. I figured they were right. Why? Someone recommended I blog. I went to write down "check on blog" and between the time they suggested it and I was going to write it down, I forgot what I was going to write. Let me be more specific: I was on the computer IMing and the to do list was right in front of me. I totally lost what I was doing that quick. This type of thing happens all the time. It drives me crazy. I spend lots of time trying to remember what I was going to do and very little getting things done.

On another bright note: I found Holly's Christmas gift today. I had hide it before Christmas and it took me this long to find it!